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Beyond Fight, Flight, and Freeze: Understanding the Four Stress Responses Through the Lense of Coaching
- coaching2831
- Nov 12
- 7 min read
Life throws curveballs. Deadlines, disagreements, unexpected changes – our bodies are wired to react to perceived threats. While "fight, flight, and freeze" are widely known, recent discussions highlight a fourth crucial response: fawn. Understanding all four of these innate reactions is a powerful first step in managing stress and building resilience. I'd like to delve into each response, how they manifest, why the fawn response is gaining recognition, and how coaching for stress can empower you to recognize, manage, and modify these fundamental human reactions.
The Original Three: Our Primal Protectors
For decades, the scientific community primarily focused on three primary stress responses, rooted in our evolutionary need for survival.
1. Fight: Confronting the Threat Head-On
The fight response is our primal instinct to confront or defend against a perceived threat.
In the mind: You might experience a surge of adrenaline, heightened focus, anger, irritation, or a strong urge to assert dominance or control. Thoughts race, often fueled by a sense of injustice or a need to win.
In the body: Physiologically, your heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, muscles tense, and you might feel a rush of heat or energy. Your pupils can dilate, and your breath becomes shallow and rapid.
From the outside: This can look like aggression, argumentativeness, yelling, clenching fists, stomping feet, defiant body language, or even passive-aggression when direct confrontation isn't possible.
2. Flight: Escaping the Danger
The flight response is the urge to physically or mentally escape from a stressful situation.
In the mind: You'll likely feel intense anxiety, panic, fear, or an overwhelming desire to get away. Your thoughts might be consumed with escape routes, avoidance strategies, or a sense of urgency.
In the body: Your heart pounds, breathing becomes rapid, muscles prepare for action (e.g., restless legs), and you may feel a knot in your stomach or a general sense of unease.
From the outside: This can manifest as literally running away, avoiding difficult conversations, constantly staying busy to distract yourself, withdrawing from social interactions, fidgeting, or needing to leave a room.
3. Freeze: Becoming Invisible
The freeze response is often a last resort when neither fight nor flight seems possible. It's a state of immobilization or numbness.
In the mind: You might feel disconnected, numb, spaced out, disoriented, or experience a sense of dread or helplessness. Thoughts might slow down or completely cease, making it hard to process information.
In the body: Heart rate and breathing can drop sharply, muscles might become limp or rigidly tense, and you may feel cold or detached.
From the outside: This might look like zoning out, staring blankly, going silent in a conversation, becoming physically still or rigid, difficulty moving or speaking, or appearing unresponsive.
The Fourth F: Fawn – The People-Pleaser's Protection
The fawn response is gaining increasing recognition, particularly in the fields of trauma and relational psychology. It's a protective mechanism where an individual attempts to avoid conflict and gain safety by appeasing, pleasing, or becoming overly agreeable to others, often at their own expense.
Why was it not talked about initially? The original three responses are more obviously tied to physical survival and immediate danger. The fawn response, however, is a more complex social and psychological survival strategy, often developed in environments where direct confrontation (fight) or escape (flight) was unsafe, and freezing led to further harm. It's a strategy of minimizing oneself to avoid greater threat, often seen in relational dynamics and childhood trauma.
In the mind: You might feel an intense need for approval, anxiety about disappointing others, guilt, shame, or a compulsive urge to smooth things over. You might override your own needs and opinions, quickly adopting those of the other person.
In the body: You might experience a pervasive tension, especially in the neck and shoulders, a racing heart from suppressed anxiety, shallow breathing, or a feeling of being "on edge," always scanning for cues from others.
From the outside: This can look like excessive people-pleasing, inability to say no, constantly apologizing, self-deprecating humor, adopting a submissive posture, rapidly agreeing with others, or avoiding expressing genuine disagreement.
Recognizing Your Stress Responses: The First Step with Coaching for Stress
Becoming aware of your default stress responses is pivotal. These responses are not flaws, but deeply ingrained patterns designed for protection. The goal isn't to eliminate them, but to bring conscious choice to your reactions.
How is coaching used for stress management? Coaching for stress is a guided process that helps individuals identify their personal stress triggers, understand their physiological and psychological responses, and develop effective coping strategies and resilience-building tools.
How to recognize your pattern:
Body Scan: Regularly check in with your body. Where do you feel tension? What is your breathing like?
Emotional Check-in: What emotions are dominant when you feel overwhelmed?
Behavioral Observation: Notice your immediate impulses when stressed. Do you want to lash out, run away, shut down, or try to fix everyone else's feelings?
Journaling: After a stressful event, write down what happened, how you felt, and how your body reacted. Look for recurring themes.
How Embodiment Coaching Can Help
Embodiment coaching offers powerful techniques to work with these stress responses, moving beyond cognitive understanding to deeply integrate new ways of being. It's about reconnecting mind and body.
1. Expanding Your Range of Response
Instead of being stuck in one default (e.g., always fighting), embodiment coaching helps you build a more flexible range of responses. You learn to consciously choose how to react based on the present situation, not just past programming.
Exercise idea (Fight/Flight): When you feel adrenaline rising, place one hand on your belly and one on your chest. Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4, feeling your belly expand. Hold for 4. Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 6, letting go of tension. Repeat 5-10 times. This engages your parasympathetic nervous system, signaling safety.
Find more exercises on my page Free Resources, where I share helpful techniques and guides that you use in your daily life.
2. Releasing Stored Tension
Each stress response leaves physiological residue. In coaching sessions we practice different exercises to physically release chronic tension held in the body, which often keeps us primed for the next stressor.
Exercise Idea (Freeze/Fawn): Find a private space. Play some upbeat music. Gently shake your hands, arms, and legs. Bounce lightly on your feet. Allow your body to move freely, without judgment. This helps discharge suppressed energy and brings you back into your body in a safe way. Aim for 1-2 minutes, then pause and notice. This is a common technique used in trauma-informed care.
3. Cultivating Self-Compassion and Boundaries
For those with a strong fawn response, embodiment coaching or coaching for stress can help to reconnect with one's own needs and learn to articulate them.
Exercise Idea (Fawn): Stand or sit tall, feet grounded. Imagine a subtle boundary around you. Practice saying "No" out loud or to yourself, feeling your core strength. Notice any discomfort. Then, gently place a hand on your heart and remind yourself: "It's safe to have needs. My 'no' creates space for my 'yes'." This builds internal resilience for boundary setting.
4. Building Emotional Regulation Through Body Awareness
Embodiment coaching teaches you to feel your emotions in your body without being overwhelmed by them. This body awareness is key to emotional regulation.
Exercise Idea (All Responses): When you notice a stress response activating, pause. Ask: "What am I feeling in my body right now? Where is it located?" Simply observing these sensations without judgment can help regulate their intensity. For instance, you might feel a "tight knot of heat" in your chest. Naming and noticing it reduces its power.
Conclusion
Understanding the four stress responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—is a powerful lens through which to view our reactions to life's challenges. They are not weaknesses, but ancient survival strategies. Through the mindful and body-centered practices of coaching for stress and embodiment coaching, you can learn to recognize your default patterns, release stored tension, and cultivate a more flexible, intentional, and resilient way of responding to stress. Your body holds wisdom; learning to listen to it is the first step toward greater calm and empowerment.
Book a Free Intro Session
Are you ready to reconnect with your body’s wisdom and live more fully? At SoulForth Coaching, I offer personalized coaching sessions that help you build awareness, balance, and manage stress more efficiently.
FAQs
Q: What are the four main stress responses, and how does coaching address them?
A: The four main stress responses are fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Coaching for stress is a guided process that helps individuals understand these protective mechanisms, identify their own patterns, and develop strategies to modify their default reactions.
Q: Why is the "fawn" response so important to recognize in the context of stress management?
A: The fawn response is a crucial survival strategy where individuals engage in people-pleasing to avoid conflict. Recognizing this pattern is vital because it helps you identify where you suppress your own needs, which is necessary for setting healthy boundaries and improving overall stress management.
Q: How can I recognize which stress response is my default?
A: Recognizing your default involves self-awareness through body checks, emotional monitoring, and behavioral observation (e.g., do you lash out, withdraw, zone out, or people-please?). During a session of coaching for stress we explore different structured methods and guided inquiry to help you identify these patterns effectively.
Q: How does embodiment coaching specifically help manage these four stress responses?
A: Embodiment coaching helps manage the responses by reconnecting the mind and body. It uses practical techniques like grounding breaths or gentle shaking to physically release stored tension, expand your range of reactions beyond your default, and cultivate body awareness for better emotional regulation.
Q: What are some practical techniques to manage the fight or flight response?
A: For fight or flight responses, coaching for stress often recommends grounding breath exercises. This controlled, deep diaphragmatic breathing (e.g., inhaling for 4, holding for 4, exhaling for 6) engages the parasympathetic nervous system, helping to calm the body and manage rising adrenaline.
Q: How does coaching help with the freeze or fawn response set better boundaries?
A: For the freeze or fawn responses, coaching for stress uses embodiment practices like a body-based "No" to help clients build the internal strength and resilience needed to articulate and maintain boundaries. This addresses the underlying guilt or fear of rejection that typically prevents boundary setting.
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