Why Learning to Have Fun Again Might Be the Most Important Work You Do

I work a lot on myself. One of the topics I’ve been focusing on recently is having fun. Not in the obvious sense of going out or seeking entertainment, but in something much simpler and, for me, much harder: allowing myself to enjoy what I’m doing.

That means doing things not because they are productive, useful, or necessary, but simply because I want to.

For a long time, this way of approaching life felt almost foreign. I grew up in an environment where hard work was not just valued, it was expected. The message was clear: life is difficult, and the only way forward is through effort, discipline, and persistence. Enjoyment was secondary, if it appeared at all.

Over time, I adapted to that belief system. I became efficient, reliable, serious. In many ways, successful. But something essential was missing.

What Happens When Enjoyment Is Absent?

When enjoyment disappears, life becomes functional. You do what needs to be done. You meet expectations. You perform.

But there is little sense of aliveness.

This is something I see not only in my own experience, but also in the people I work with. Especially in women navigating transitions. Returning to work, redefining identity, balancing multiple roles. On the surface, everything works. Underneath, something feels off.

The absence of enjoyment often shows up as:

• Constant fatigue, even when things are “under control”

• A sense of going through the motions

• Difficulty accessing creativity or spontaneity

• A subtle but persistent feeling of emptiness

Research supports this. Studies from sources like Harvard Business Review highlight that intrinsic motivation, which includes enjoyment and interest, is a key driver of performance and wellbeing (more here).

Yet, many of us were not taught how to access that.

Why Changing Your Environment Is Not Enough

At some point, I made a significant change. I left corporate life to build something that felt more aligned. Something meaningful. Something that, in theory, should bring more enjoyment. And it did. To a degree.

But what I underestimated is how deeply ingrained my patterns were.

Changing your environment helps. It creates space. It removes certain pressures. It opens new possibilities.

But it does not automatically change how your brain operates.

If your default mode has been shaped around effort, control, and productivity, you will carry that into any new environment.

This is where many people get stuck. They think: "I changed everything. Why does it still feel the same?”

Because the external shift is only one part of the process.

The internal patterns remain.

Is It Normal for Old Patterns to Come Back?

Yes. Completely. In fact, it would be unrealistic to expect otherwise.

Your brain is designed for efficiency. It relies on familiar pathways. Patterns that have been reinforced over years, sometimes decades, do not disappear simply because your context changes.

They resurface, especially in moments of uncertainty or pressure. It is part of the process.

The question is not whether old patterns will return. The question is what you do when they do.

How Do You Start Rewiring Your Brain?

Rewiring is not a one-time decision. It is a series of small, repeated choices.

It requires awareness, but also action.

According to research from the National Institutes of Health, habit formation relies on consistent repetition in a stable context (more here). This means that insight alone is not enough. You need to create new experiences that reinforce a different way of being.

In practical terms, this looks like:

1. Noticing the Pattern

You catch yourself turning something into work when it could be light.

You notice the pressure you put on yourself to make everything “useful.”

This is the starting point.

2. Interrupting the Default Response

Instead of pushing harder, you pause.

You ask yourself: What would this look like if it felt enjoyable?

Not perfect. Not productive. Just enjoyable.

3. Allowing Small Experiments

You do something differently.

• You work on a project without optimizing every step

• You play with your child without checking your phone

• You take time to plant flowers without turning it into a task to complete efficiently

These are small shifts, but they matter. They create new neural pathways.

What Does “Allowing Yourself to Have Fun” Really Mean?

It sounds simple, but for many people (including myself) it is not.

Allowing yourself to have fun means:

• Letting go of the idea that everything must have a clear outcome

• Accepting that enjoyment is not a reward, but a valid objective

• Trusting that not everything needs to be optimized

It also means tolerating discomfort.

Because if you are used to operating in effort mode, enjoyment can feel unfamiliar. Even uncomfortable.

There can be thoughts like: “This is a waste of time.”“I should be doing something more important.”

This is where the real work happens.

Not in forcing yourself to have fun, but in staying with the discomfort long enough for something new to emerge.

Should You Put Fun on Your List of Objectives?

Yes.

If you don’t, it will remain secondary. Optional. Something you get to “later.”

And later rarely comes.

You already plan your work. Your meetings. Your responsibilities.

Why not also plan moments of enjoyment?

This does not mean scheduling joy in a rigid way. It means giving it the same level of importance.

For example:

• Choosing to approach a project with curiosity instead of pressure

• Creating intentional moments of presence with your child

• Engaging in activities that have no purpose beyond the experience itself

Over time, this shifts something fundamental.

Enjoyment becomes integrated, not occasional.

How Does This Impact the Way You Live and Work?

When enjoyment becomes part of your way of operating, several things change:

• You access more creativity

• You experience less resistance

• You feel more connected to what you are doing

• You build something that is sustainable, not just effective

This is not about avoiding effort.

Effort will always be part of growth.

But it is about balancing effort with enjoyment, instead of relying exclusively on pressure.

Reports from McKinsey on employee experience consistently show that sustainable performance comes from a combination of engagement, meaning, and wellbeing, not just productivity (more here). Enjoyment plays an important role in that.

Conclusion

Changing your life externally is often necessary, but it is not sufficient.

The deeper work lies in recognizing and reshaping the patterns you carry with you.

Old habits returning is not a sign that nothing has changed. It is an invitation to engage differently.

Allowing yourself to have fun, to enjoy what you are doing, is not superficial. It is structural.

It changes how you relate to your work, your relationships, and yourself.

For me, having fun and enjoying the process is now one of the criteria on which I evaluate my work. And if don't see it in a certain activity or project at all, it's an important signal that something is off. It means I need to review and change something. This way my work becomes more sustainable, and the rest becomes less work.

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If you recognize yourself in this, and you want to explore how to shift these patterns in a way that feels grounded and sustainable, you can book a free clarity session (30 min). It’s a space to clarify what is happening for you and what could change.

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Frequently Asked Questions

1. Why is it so hard to allow myself to have fun?

For many people, enjoyment is not something that was actively encouraged growing up. Effort, discipline, and responsibility were often prioritised, sometimes out of necessity. Over time, this creates an internal association: if something is not productive, it may not be valuable.

So when you try to slow down or do something simply because you enjoy it, there can be resistance. Not because you are incapable of enjoying yourself, but because a part of you has learned that enjoyment is secondary, or even undeserved.

This is why it often feels unnatural at first. You are not just changing behaviour, you are challenging a belief system that has been reinforced for years.

2. Can enjoyment really impact performance at work?

Yes, and not in a superficial way. Enjoyment is closely linked to intrinsic motivation, which is one of the most sustainable drivers of performance. When you genuinely enjoy what you are doing, you tend to engage more deeply, think more creatively, and persist longer without burning out.

This does not mean that work becomes effortless or always pleasant. But it changes your relationship to effort. Instead of constantly pushing yourself through resistance, you start to experience moments of flow and curiosity.

Over time, this leads to more consistent energy, better decision-making, and a stronger sense of ownership over your work.

3. How long does it take to rewire old patterns?

There is no fixed timeline, and expecting one can actually slow the process down. Patterns that have been built over decades will not disappear quickly, and trying to force rapid change often creates more pressure.

What matters more is consistency. Small, repeated shifts in how you approach your daily activities gradually create new neural pathways. At first, these changes may feel insignificant, but over time they accumulate.

You may also notice that progress is not linear. There will be moments where old patterns feel very present again. This is not regression, it is part of how learning works. The key is to return, again and again, to the new way of operating you are trying to build.

4. What if I feel guilty when I try to enjoy myself?

Guilt is a very common response, especially if you are used to equating worth with productivity. It often shows up as an internal voice questioning whether you are using your time “well enough.”

Instead of trying to eliminate the guilt immediately, it can be more useful to understand it. Guilt is often a signal of misalignment between your current behaviour and your internalised rules.

When you notice it, you can pause and ask yourself: Whose standard am I following right now?

Over time, as you repeatedly allow yourself to engage in activities that bring enjoyment without negative consequences, the intensity of the guilt tends to decrease. Not because you forced it away, but because your experience starts to contradict the belief behind it.

5. Is this approach realistic with a busy schedule?

It is, but it requires a shift in perspective. This is not about adding more activities to an already full schedule. It is about changing the quality of your experience within what you are already doing.

For example, you may still have the same responsibilities, meetings, and tasks. But the way you approach them can be different. You might bring more presence into a conversation, more curiosity into a project, or more flexibility into how you structure your work.

These are subtle changes, but they can significantly impact how you feel throughout the day. Over time, they also influence how you prioritise and what you choose to keep or let go of.

6. How do I start if everything feels serious and heavy?

When everything feels heavy, trying to make a big shift can feel overwhelming. In those moments, it is more effective to start very small.

Choose one area of your day where the stakes are relatively low. It could be a short activity, a routine task, or a moment with your child. Instead of trying to transform it completely, focus on introducing a slight change.

You might slow down, remove a layer of pressure, or allow yourself to engage with it more playfully. The goal is not to force enjoyment, but to create the conditions where it becomes possible.

As you repeat this in small ways, you begin to build a different internal experience. And from there, it becomes easier to extend that approach to other areas of your life.